


Why Can't You Tell Us?

by Akan0_P



Series: Akira's "Unwavering" Temper [1]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akira gets mad, Akira is kind of a dick, Akira is super badass, Cartoonishly evil characters, Depressed!Akira, Edited, He realizes his mistakes though, I Don't Want To Hurt Them I Swear, I Love My Babies, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I really like Akira, I revamped a lot cause it was cringey, ITS NOT OVER YET, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Like extremely OOC, Mementos, Might be two parts, NOTHING IS GRAPHIC, No happy endings, OOC!Akira, Shadows - Freeform, Stressed!Akira, Swearing, This fic is a bundle of sadness I swear, Why Did I Write This?, i suck at tags :(, like mad, lots of swearing, lots of yelling, new title, no relationships - Freeform, no self harm, okay MAYBE happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 04:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12499180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akan0_P/pseuds/Akan0_P
Summary: Akira has been acting a little strange lately. Not that he expected his friends to notice, nor did they. Until someone points it out, and that viciously turned the tables for the Phantom Thieves. For the first time ever, the Phantom Thieves witnessed the cracking of their leader's mask. The saw the other side of him, the one that he was so desperately trying to hide for the longest time. It wasn't until this fateful encounter, that this awful side of Akira has made its true presence known.Alt-Title: What Have I Done?





	Why Can't You Tell Us?

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot darker than I originally intended it to be, but they there might be a second part to this. Maybe with a happy ending? I don't know yet. I actually do have another Persona 5 fanfiction in the works right now, and I was originally going to post it last month. Sadly, I forgot about the 30-day draft rule and it ended up getting deleted. I don't have another full copy of it, but maybe I can release it next week, something or other. Thanks for reading though. :)

The Metaverse was exactly the same as they’d all known it to be. Always creepy looking and full of monsters that can hit you with ailments that you never saw coming. It really was a dangerous, what some may call an “afterschool-activity” they partook in, but present day society is even more dangerous if let be. However with their strong hearts and durable sense of teamwork, they could push through any challenge they were faced with. More specifically, their leader; the one they venerated above the rest, who was always open to lending a helping hand or a listening ear when they were troubled.

Ah, yes, their wonderful leader, Akira Kurusu. The boy was naturally very quiet and reserved, always kept to himself, and always only opened his mouth when it was needed the most. However, his charming alter-ego, Joker, was very smooth, sexy, and was able to get the job done with a smirk on his face that could get you all hot and bothered on the inside. But it was easy to see the correlation between the two; both were very calm and collected, he practically embodied what a great leader should behave like. That is until they all finally saw his “mask” crack. 

Another bundle requests from Mishima have been received so the Phantom Thieves decided to knock all five out at once. It was flu season in November so that meant it would be a little easier to fight the shadows that lived below. Discussing and scheduling a time for the team to meet up was set, and they all came together and travelled to Mementos. 

A cold, wintry afternoon filled with fighting shadows and hanging out with friends was all Akira could ask for. He never felt more at home when he was with his friends. Being with them was a great way to relieve stress from his rather hectic life, and he smiled to himself knowing that they were approaching their last target for the day. Rubbing his worn eyes, Joker pulled out his phone and read the text Mishima sent, a profile of the man. 

Apparently, this shadow was a mental therapist who made his own homemade medicine, which turned out to be a phony medicine that actually worsens a patient’s condition. More appointments meant more income, they guessed. It was also listed that he had been accused of fraud, but it was labeled as a misdemeanor, only furthering their suspicions. Finally finding the warped portal to the shadow’s destination courtesy of Hot Topic, they jumped right into the excitement, Akira getting the walking out calmly, picking the calling card from his pocket. 

“Alright guys, be careful with this one… I sense a hell of a lot of power coming from him,” Morgana warned. 

“Thank you for the warning Mona, let’s go,” Queen stated. They all nodded in approval.  
Akira and his band of friends walked up to the shadow, ready for anything. The shadow, suit-clad, turned to speak to them with unwavering golden eyes. 

“You must be the famous Phantom Thieves correct? Wow, I never would’ve expected this. Do you think I could get an autograph?” the shadow teased, “Ah, you must know all about me, but just to reiterate, I’m a therapist, I help people with their problems, but who thought they would all be dumb enough to take my medicine? I never even needed to show them the permit!”

“That medicine you speak of, I assume it makes a patient’s condition worse? How dreadful.” Haru questioned.

“You are correct, Cutie Pie,” the shadow gave a rather provocative smirk in Haru’s direction.

“Maybe I should start by helping all of you? My, my, your buddy in the black coat over there seems very stressed. Yes, I can see it too. What kind of teammates are you? You can’t even tell when your teammate isn’t feeling well? Can’t you see the bags under his eyes, the way his frame is way too skinny for that of a highschool student?” 

Akira’s eyes dulled over, his mouth saying closed. After all, what does he know? “He doesn’t have a clue,” Akira thought to himself, huffing.

“Stressed? Uh-wha-what are you talkin’ about?” Ryuji asked, puzzled. 

“Or you! I can tell by your frame and your speech that you aren’t the brightest crayon in the box, are you? Probably can’t even tell left from right,” he huffed, then looked to Ann, “oh, you! With those radiant green eyes and curves like that, I can imagine many men have followed you around,” finally, turning to Makoto, he chuckled to himself. “Oh! Oh! And you! The brown haired one in a biker suit! You’re a very dignified young lady! Wouldn’t be surprised if you turned out to be the know-it-all, hmm?” Akira was clenching his teeth, shifting them back and forth, maybe enough to chip them. 

“Man, what a group of disappointing teenagers you seem to be. Whatever did I do to get “ambushed” by brats like you?” The shadow huffed, turning his gaze away from the band of teenagers. After a few seconds of silence, though, Akira walked forward and stood in front of his friends. 

“It would be wise for you to shut your mouth,” droned Akira. His teammates looked at him with shock evident in their eyes. Especially Ryuji, knowing him for so long, he never thought such a venomous tone could’ve ever come from the quiet boy. For the thousandth time, he felt all eyes on him. He’d grown sick of the feeling as soon as it came. Most times he basked in the feeling of being looked up to, especially after his arrest. But other times he felt that they didn’t need him for such trivial decisions that, he felt, they could make on their own. But, then again, the better part of Akira told him that that’s what a leader’s job was; to lead and push through, no matter the cost. That is what a leader is. But right now, he didn’t have the time, nor the patience to be concerned with being a “good leader”, given how much sleep he’d lost in the last few weeks. 

“What did you say?” The shadow re-averted its fiery gaze on Joker.

“I said that it would be wise for you to shut your fucking mouth,” Akira- no, Joker growled, finally revealing his reptilian-like eyes from under their shadow and clenching his already balled fists even tighter. His fellow group members were astounded at his use of language, they had never heard him spout such vulgar words, especially to a shadow of so little importance. And for him to visibly lose his cool like that was unnatural, something was wrong, maybe the shadow was right?

“You can talk about me like that however much you want, but you don’t speak about my teammates in such a disrespectful way,” he growled, circling the man like a hungry shark.

“Whoa, Joker, calm down! This isn’t like you!” yelled Mona.

“Yea, Joker, calm down, we don’t need our leader doing anything rash,” stated Yusuke.

Joker didn’t listen to them, after all, he is their leader, he can do as he pleases. As much as he didn’t want to show them this side of him, all hope of that disappeared without a trace. He could feel Arsene’s powerful spirit coursing through him. He felt like he became a shadow himself, and it seems that his fellow teammates noticed as well.

“Uhh, guys?! Joker’s persona is about to attack! I’ve never seen a spell like this before!”

“What is this?”

“Joker, what’s happening?!” they all yelled, but received no answer. At the moment, Joker was too wrapped up in his own power to notice. All he felt was the blue flames circling around him, Arsene appearing behind him. He knew something dangerous was coming, he finally spoke.

“Guys, get in the MonaBus...” he ordered in a softer tone.

“Joker, we can’t just leave you here to deal with this yourse-”

“Get in the MonaBus!” he bellowed, his tone from earlier returning.

The Phantom Thieves piled into the MonaBus, for fear of what Joker might do next. Queen kept her eyes on Joker from the front window. “Guys, get down!” she yelled, the bright light shining through the windows of the Monabus.

Finally, the bright light seceded. He turned his head to face the MonaBus. His mask had disappeared, only leaving his eyes consumed by a fiery yellow shade, the same that showed during his awakening. 

The Phantom Thieves were all were in question, wanting to ask their leader what happened, but he just wasn’t sane enough to provide an eligible answer for them. He put his hands on his hips and let out a tired sigh, turning back to the, now terrified, shadow, which was now quaking where he stood, saying that he would repent for what he did. 

“Tch, pitiful,” he whispered, looking down on the poor shadow. Its treasure appeared just above its head, shining in all its glory; Joker stole it. All that was left was a puddle of black liquid, and the calling card floating in the ripples above it.

“H-Hey, Joker… What was that-” Ryuji said, peeking his head through the side-door of the MonaBus.

“Don’t talk to me,” he groaned, the tiredness evident in his tone. He walked past them. His eyes shadowed over again, his mask taking its place again, and the color returning to his frame, almost as if it were never there. 

“But, we would at least like to know-” Akira cut Yusuke off.

“I wish to be left alone right now. Take the Mona-bus back I have a spare Goho-M I can use. Go on ahead,” Akira whispered, taking his coat off and slinging it around his now-bare shoulders. As much as his teammates wanted to help him, they abided by his orders. Mona took off with the team, leaving Joker, quite literally, in the dust. He paused. Looking ahead, as the Mona-bus sped away, thinking about what had transpired there. He truly wanted to answer his friends’ questions, but how could he do that if even he didn’t know? 

\---------------

A day had gone by since the “incident”. Nobody dared to bring it up, especially in Akira’s presence. Akira felt as though they purposely knew not to bring up what happened, or the fact that he was extremely stressed, for after the shadow had pointed it out, it became clear to them. Clearly, something was very wrong about their leader. He felt that they were somewhat scared of him, now, or at least just cautious. Everyone has been very weary about what they say, even being way more reserved than they once were. But Akira wasn’t going to say anything, it’s not his job. 

MN - I believe that now is the time when we should have a talk, guys.

YK - I agree.

HO - I agree as well, Mako-chan.

AT - I also think it would be best that we have it at Leblanc.

RS - Is that ok with you Akira?

He waited a few minutes to respond, staring at the bright red screen in front of him.

AK - Yes, that is fine.

MN - Great, we’ll be over soon. 

Akira put his phone on sleep, “Great, just wonderful. I can’t even get enough sleep to work regularly and this is what I get,” he thought. Morgana lay next to him on his bed, “Hey, Akira? Is everything...alright?” he questioned in his naturally childlike tone. Akira sighed, “Yea, I’m fine, Morgana. No need to worry,” he gave a small smile in return just to get Morgana off his back. He seemed to take that as a valid answer, and lay back down, breathing quietly. Akira turned his phone on again, 

“16:40 PM, they’ll be here any minute now.” 

Akira got up from his bed and decided to change into something better-looking than just his lounging clothes. Shifting through his “wardrobe”, he decided on the usual: Black blazer, white long-sleeved v-neck, jeans, and boots. “Nothing noteworthy,” he thought as he pulled off his sweatpants and sweatshirt. Unfortunately, he never heard the bell of LeBlanc’s door do its jingle, or the light sounds of feet coming up the stairs, being too wrapped up in his own thought. He was slipping his white v-neck on when they came up. 

“Hey, Akira-” He had barely slipped the top of the shirt on when Ryuji spoke. Akira turned around, pausing for a bit in surprise, then fully slipping his shirt and blazer on. That gave Ryuji a clear view of the scars that he had received from the interrogation room. Akira insisted on taking care of himself, so none of them ever really saw what really went on beneath his garments. Akira was a walking secret to them, like a black cat, destined for bad luck. 

Everyone in the room was staring at Akira. He felt slightly uncomfortable, so he cleared his throat and lead them back down into the cafe.

“C’mon, I think we should continue this conversation downstairs…”

They all crowded into a booth, Akira on one side, and the rest of them on the other, some sitting to the side of the table due to the lack of room. There was an uncomfortable silence for quite some time before Makoto finally broke it.

“So, Akira…... Do you mind telling us what’s going on?”

“There’s nothing “going on”, Makoto,” he said waving a hand dismissively, “I’m perfectly fine, there was no reason for you to call all of us here. We all have busy lives so I, as your leader, think it’s best for you to all go home for the night-”

“You may be our leader, but we’re not going to listen to your empty commands this time, buddy!” shouted Ryuji, standing up abruptly, and getting in Akira’s space. Akira’s frame straightened out against the back of the booth, leaning away from Ryuji to create more distance. Soon, his eyes became shadowed by the reflection of his glasses, slouching once again.

“Ryuji is right, Akira. You’ve helped us all so much, so why won’t you give us the chance to help yo-”

“I’m getting sick and tired of this repetitive bullshit,” Akira crossed his arms angrily, “There is nothing going on, nothing to be worried about, and nothing that you should have to call a team meeting for. I said that I was perfectly fine so just leave me alone.” Akira shouted a little louder than he had originally wanted.

“Well, that practically confirms it,” Futaba started, “Akira, won’t you tell us what’s troubling you? We just want the chance to finally do something for you after all you do for us.”

Akira let out a long, drawn-out sigh, then began, “That’s just it…”

A series of “huh?” went around the room.

“You’re right when you say I do a lot for you guys. Ha, that might just be the reason for it. I work 3 part time jobs just so I can afford weapons, accessories, and equipment for the Phantom Thieves, hell, most days I don’t even have the time or the money to at least have a decent meal. Then, when I’m not working my ass off, I spend time with you guys, helping you to make you stronger. Day and night, the same routine, on top of that, keeping my grades up along with regularly holding meetings and taking down targets in Mementos,” Akira started choking up at this point, something he rarely ever had done since his arrest.

“I get treated like shit at school, even enough to make people want me to…” he tralied off, letting his first few tears slip, beginning again and looking up, “Do you even know how many white flowers have been placed on my desk? And because of my criminal record, it’s so to find a job that pays enough to get things for our Phantom Thievery.” Makoto and Ann looked at each other with sadness in their eyes, and focused on the table, feeling guilty for all they’d put their leader through. And without even realizing it... 

Akira, threw his arms up , “Hell, I’ve even had to go as far as to offer my own body to pay of the debt,” At this point in time, Akira wasn’t even afraid to let his tears, his pain rush down his cheeks, like raging waterfalls. He just couldn’t take the constant pressure anymore. He let his cool facade fall before him.

“I don’t even remember the last time I’ve gotten good sleep!” He shouted in a near-broken tone, then slouching back in the booth. The others said not a word. They wallowed in their own shock and despair before Haru finally spoke up.

“Akira, we-- we had no idea! We’re incredibly sorry for not realizing how much you do for us--”

“An apology won't do anything,” he growled almost inaudibly, “Oh, and how did I forget about the interrogation room!” Akira laughed, but his ragged tone lacked all mirth. He put a hand on his forehead, leaning on his elbow.

“They put me through absolute hell there! I’ve had so many bruises, so many cuts, hell, then even came close to breaking my damn leg! And when I came back, you all acted as if nothing happened,” Akira stood up at the booth, and slammed his sweaty, clammy hands on the table. His friends finally got to see the side of him that maybe nobody, not even his parents, had ever seen. Immediately after he stood up, he felt all of his remaining energy drained from his body. 

“It seriously pissed me off to see you all content with your lives when I went through all that mindless fuckery just so we could pull off a damn mission. A mission, might I remind you, that wasn’t even required in the first place!” Makoto closed her eyes, not wanting to feel the guilt that plagued her. 

“Cause unlike the lot of you, I don’t give a shit about what the public thinks of us, we know that what we’re doing is just and that’s that. We all know that we didn’t kill President Okumura, and that’s all we need to know!” His voice cracked at the end. The tears had been falling for quite some time, then. 

“You know...I think that it’s best if we don’t see each other for a long while,” and with that, he walked up the stairs, leaving his friends in shock. No one spoke for about ten minutes as they took it all in. 

‘Wow… I-- I had no idea that he felt that way. I feel horrible now for at least not offering to help with payments. I mean, offering his body? That’s terrible! Why didn’t he tell us these things?” questioned Ann, the tears has started to fall from her eyes as well.

Yusuke, bringing up his gaze, focused on the table, “he doesn't trust us enough to even tell us how he's doing….what pitiful friends we are…” 

“Well, that explains why he looks way skinnier than he used to be,” stated Ryuji quietly.

Futaba, now in tears along with the lot of them, opened her mouth, “We only wanted to help him, why does he always push us away?! I thought I was the one with the trust issues, he shouldn't go through that!” she screamed, covering her ears.

The remaining members decided that it would be best if they all went home for the night. Morgana was left there as he made his goodbyes, sitting on the table. He tore his gaze from the door automatically to the stairs where he heard muffled sounds. He carefully walked his way up the stairs to where Akira sat, knees curled up to his face, and his face in a pillow, seemingly under lock and key. What really shocked Morgana was the expression that painfully graced Akira’s features. It wasn’t a look of sadness, but that of self depreciation. His thin brow knotted in the middle of his pain-stricken forehead, his eyes, grey as they may be, seemed almost the shade of ebony, and held what could barely be described as despair. His arms shook wildly as he clutched the pillow close, the tears from his orbs leaking off his face and onto the soft fabric beneath. It was truly an unbecoming sight for the Phantom Thieves’ leader, but he was all-too caught up in his own grief to care. 

Akira felt horrible about the words he said. He never should’ve lashed out at them like that. It was crazy, really, his mood swings. Not just a few minutes ago, he felt as if they were all murdered right then and there, he wouldn’t even care. But he knew, deep inside what was left of his sorely-blackened heart, that he could never do that to them. Not after they became the very few people that actually trusted in him, confided in him. He couldn’t simply let that go at the drop of a hat. Which is why he feels the ever-strong feeling of remorse.

“Akira….” Morgana slowly and quietly approached him, “Are you okay?”

Akira brought took away the pillow, but not his gaze, “I feel like an absolute jerk for doing that, the stress has just gotten to my head recently. I’m sorry you had to witness that.”

“Akira, why didn’t you tell them? I didn’t tell them because I was concerned for your privacy, and I assumed that you would at least spare your friends the pleasure of knowing what transpires in your life. But I guess I was wrong there, huh?” Morgana looked down. 

“You’ve certainly been through a lot, and I was amazingly surprised at how well you handled the pressure! If I were in your shoes, I would’ve broken down a long time ago,” Mona smiled at him, but the smile, unfortunately, was never returned.

As he turned out the light in his room and pulled the covers over his head, he thought to himself. “What have I done?”


End file.
